My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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