the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize