I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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