theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
