I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Shame is for Republicans.
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