man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
