Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
