What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
