u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
