Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
