in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
