when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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