Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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