sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
