mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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