You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
