I can text with my tongue
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize