dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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