drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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