Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
