Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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