This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
