it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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