I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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