he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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