dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
