I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
