oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm getting married
To pizza
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
