Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
