maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
