do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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