i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
