I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
