Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
