are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
