I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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