last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize