I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
