There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
