btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize