I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
try to milk me bitch
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