i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
