I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
