the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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