meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
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