I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
