I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
