I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
