i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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