If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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