My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
