And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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