Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
