I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize