She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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