we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
