my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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