Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
