He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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