shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
