When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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