I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
