How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
