I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
