More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
