I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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