note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
