He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
