So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
