i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
