Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
