Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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