It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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