hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
