You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
