i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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